Losing My Humanity
by Cardinal Syn
Summary: The Youma Generals were once human. It is arguable that they still contain parts of their humanity. This is a brief story that touches on the concept of humanity in the Dark Kingdom. Vague romance. Zoicite/Kunzite, Jadeite/OC. Fits in Season One.
1. Stroll in Darkened Passageway

**Losing My Humanity**

**by Jamie Carlson  
**

**Summary: **Do the Youma Generals really seem THAT inhuman? How can they truly be? Zoicite, the handsome, feminine blonde and Kunzite, the equally handsome frost-haired Generals have a very loving relationship. Perhaps, there are more to the Youma than meet the eye. Perhaps, love CAN grow in the deepest darkness of the Dark Kingdom.... Perhaps.... (Pairings: Jadeite/???, Zoicite/Kunzite)

**Rating:** PG

**Completion: **Alpha Version Complete

**Chapters: **Five

**Pages:** Approx. 20 (total)

**Scene One - A Stroll in the Darkened Passageway **

Zoicite finished finger-brushing his long golden curls and secured them with a black satin ribbon. He tossed his hair behind his back, then placed one hand on his hip, walking in comfortable silence with his companion. His blue-green eyes fixed their contented gaze on the dark, crooked path they walked.

Zoicite was not comfortable around many people. Most of the people, or creatures rather, in the Dark Kingdom were untrustworthy. Truthfully, most could barely hold a coherent conversation; they were created for battle and energy gathering, not partaking in philosophical discussions. He sighed, brushing imaginary dust off of the sleeve of his dark, blue-gray uniform, admiring the green satin piping at his wrist. The dim lighting gave it a silky sheen.

Mistaking his sigh to be of discontent of their walk, his companion stopped.

"Is there something wrong, Zoicite?"

Zoicite paused, blinking, then turned his attention to his companion and friend.

"Ah, of course not. I was just thinking of how appreciative I am that I can talk to someone who is capable of sentient thought, my dear Keito-kun."

The girl before him smiled wanly. Keito was her human name. She was surprised she remembered it, and only Zoicite was permitted to use it, although she couldn't very well stop her other superiors. However, none of them had referred to her by anything else, and this suited her fine.

Her name in the Dark Kingdom was Andradite. She wore a uniform much like Zoicite's to cover her lithe body, tighter in the chest as was common with females in the Dark Kingdom. The linings of her uniform were a dull red and very plain, signifying her as nothing more than a Youma General-in-Training, or Lesser with a capital L. Someday in the far future she would replace Nephrite - assuming she survived that long. Assuming the Dark Kingdom survived that long.

Andradite's hair was ruby-red, straight, and pulled back from her face with a simple matte-black headband. Her golden-brown eyes and pale skin could be called beautiful, but her eyes shone unnaturally and her skin appeared ashen in the uneven lighting of the Dark Kingdom. She didn't remember what she had looked like as a member of the Court of the Earth. Queen Beryl told each Lesser who or what they had been before they became Youma - she had confirmed that Andradite was one of the fortunate ones who were once human. As Keito, she had been some lesser Noble. She was a Lesser both in her past and in her present.

"Zoicite, really, you have Kunzite. And there are other Lesser Youma who are capable of carrying conversation. Not all of them are mindless." Zoicite grinned.

"No, just most!" He laughed, and threw an arm companionably around her slim shoulders. They began walking again, Andradite relaxing slightly and allowing herself a small smile. "But, you know..." - and the girl's smile faded at the thoughtful tone in his voice - "It doesn't seem fair. That you're so unhappy, I mean. I'm happy with Kunzi-kun. And... I know that you're interested in Jadeite...."

"Jadeite isn't exactly the kind of person who is open to a relationship, Zoi," Andradite said, her voice tight. "He supposedly loved Tethys, and look what happened to her...."

"Well, that wasn't _Jade-chan's_ doing -"

"Getting her banished from the Dark Kingdom's court was."

"- and it's not like he didn't **care** for the girl. -"

"'He didn't exactly act like he was all that fond of her."

" - Things just... didn't work out," Zoicite finished lamely.

"And they wouldn't work out for me, either, Zoicite." Andradite shook her head slowly. "The only reason anyone tolerates the relationship you have with Kunzite is because you are two of our Queen's best Generals, and no one knows of _our_ friendship **but** the Four Generals, and perhaps her Majesty, and I am _nothing_ in **her** eyes. To her, a friendship to keep one of her Four Elite Generals happy and productive is tolerable."

"Oh, honestly." Zoicite rolled his eyes upward and sighed melodramatically. Andradite's response was a sad smile, her eyes drooping down to look forlornly at the floor they stood on.

"You know how harsh it is for us Lessers, Zoicite. I may not survive very long here anyway - few of us who are in training to become replacement generals do."

To train to become a replacement Youma General was to mean you had the competence required to take active command; not a lot of Youma in the Dark Kingdom could even say that much for themselves. Andradite was one of the few out of the entire group of nearly one hundred Lessers (with a capital L) that were left alive who even had some personal skill or power, let alone a definable personality.

Zoicite stopped and turned her to face him. He stooped a little, placing his forehead against hers.

"Really, child. You think with too much of a pessimistic edge. Try to be more optimistic, hmm? Besides, you have survived the long sleep and the wakening, and the past fourteen years of being alive again. And I'll talk to Jadeite - no, don't protest. I'll simply ask him if any of the Lessers were appealing to him. It's a normal question the Generals ask each other. Just no one has asked Jadeite in a while, and it is high time they did.

"And besides," Zoicite said, with a wide grin. "Even if he isn't into a 'relationship', he may be interested in ah... relieving some of the _tensions _that come with being in charge of Energy Gathering."

Sighing in annoyance at Zoicite's insinuation, Andradite stepped back.

"Don't be so crude."

"The Senshi are such pests! He must be under a lot of pressure to be rid of them. There are three now, I hear. What do you think of them?"

Zoicite's sudden change of subject didn't phase Andradite – she had become quite used to it.

Andradite shrugged. "They're just doing their job. To them, we are the threat."

Zoicite arched his eyebrows. "And I wonder if they say the same about _us_."

Andradite smiled.

"I wouldn't be surprised." She turned as a fellow Lesser rounded the bend ahead and spotted her. Dressed in a uniform identical to Andradite's save for the dull blue piping, the girl was very short, very plain and bore an extremely bored expression. Her shoulder-length black hair was puffy but very bland, along with the rest of her.

"Excuse the interruption Lord Zoicite, but I have a message for Lesser Andradite. Lesser Andradite, Lord Jadeite summons you. He demands to know why his Energy Collection Crystal isn't returning enough energy."

Andradite bowed to the messenger. "Thank you Lesser Dravite. I will report to Lord Jadeite immediately."

Zoicite waved a hand at Lesser Dravite in dismissal. "Return to your studies with Lord Kunzite."

Dravite bowed, and retreated.

Andradite bowed to Zoicite. "And here I take my leave." She turned on her heel, and began the walk to Jadeite's chambers.

As he watched her go, Zoicite's eyes filled with sadness.

"There will be no happiness in this dark place for her. I still feel the dark touch of coldness creep within me, turning what was once companionable like for my fellow Generals into a growing dislike that, in turn, will soon turn to hatred. Eventually, I will even be cold in emotion towards poor Keito... and will forget her name. And so, in the end, will she."

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Andradite walked quickly. She knew that to keep Lord Jadeite waiting would be to suffer his wrath. Within a few minutes she was standing outside his door, back straight and a down-to-business expression on her face. She raised one hand, knocked three times in rapid succession, then placed both hands behind her back and planted her feet firmly on the stone-and-crystal corridor beneath her.

The door swung inward, and the annoyed form of Lord Jadeite stood before her. He frowned.

"At least you were quick to arrive. That's more than I can say for most Lessers. Enter." He turned his back and strode to the center of his vast, dark chamber. Andradite followed obediently.

Jadeite gestured to a large, round, black crystal ball floating above a stone pedestal. Within the very center of the orb, bluish-white energy swirled lazily.

"It isn't returning all of the energy I have collected and contained within it. The damned thing releases most of it when the Bonded Youma dies."

Andradite leaned forward to inspect the crystal ball. The down-to-business expression fell from her face and was replaced with a small amount of triumph.

"Ah! You are using an Absorption Crystal. Those return less than half of the energy gathered - they steal most of it for themselves, and eventually self-destruct." Andradite lifted the crystal ball from its pedestal. "You want to use a _gathering _crystal rather than an _absorbing_ one. Try either a Whisper Crystal or a Reaper Crystal.

"The Whisper Crystal uses far less energy to keep itself 'alive', and gathers far more, but the transferal process is a bit more complicated and time-consuming. The Reaper Crystal gathers a little less energy than the Whisper Crystal to stay 'alive' and transfers directly to the specified target, but gathers less in a similar amount of time. I'd say, approximately seventy-five percent of the total energy that would be gathered from the Whisper Crystal."

When she realized that Jadeite was staring at her, she blushed, coughed, and replaced the Absorption Crystal.

"The, ah, decision is your own. I apologize for speaking without asking permission first." _I've been spending too much time in Zoicite's company,_ she thought, shame-faced.

"It's quite all right. That information was actually very helpful. You could very well have saved my life." Jadeite placed a hand on the Absorption Crystal. "Greedy thing. It was delivering less than fifteen percent of the energy gathered to Queen Metallia, and this was angering Beryl-sama greatly. As if the Senshi weren't problematic enough. Before I thought the loss of energy was due to the death of the Youma involved...." He looked sidelong to Andradite with a raised brow, permitting her to correct him, his voice trailing into an inquiry.

"Oh, no. Loss of the gatherer would only halt incoming energy, Lord Jadeite. The only loss is about point five percent per human reaped – not a lot in comparison to how much a human can be drained of before they become useless." Andradite nodded to the Crystal, whose inner light had dimmed, as if it knew its ploy had been discovered. "_That _is your true cause of mass energy loss."

Jadeite turned to face her. He looked at her with a mild amount of respect. "Your knowledge concerning Crystals is admirable, Lesser Andradite. Your peers were correct when they said you have the aptitude to replace Nephrite when his time as a General ends."

Andradite blushed, looking into the now-suppressed light of the Absorption Crystal. "It was my most vital skill when still Human, I believe. I seem to have an affinity with crystals."

There was a brief silence, and then Jadeite shifted his weight a little.

"Turn to face me, please." Andradite complied, and tried not to squirm under his scrutiny. "Are you the Lesser who has a bond of friendship with the General Zoicite?" he asked. Andradite nodded once. "Ah. I thought I recognized the name. Zoicite speaks favorably about you." Silence from Andradite. "Have you nothing to say?"

"Do you require me to support Lord Zoicite, or to contradict his words with my own? Or are you expecting me to ask you what he said, my Lord?" Andradite said calmly. She jumped a little when Jadeite laughed - it wasn't an unpleasant sound, she simply wasn't expecting it.

"Hm-hm. Dismissed for now, Lesser Andradite. You may go."

Andradite stepped back, bowed, turned, and left.

As the doors swung shut behind the Lesser Youma, Jadeite tilted his head and stared at the large doors for a moment longer in silence.

**End of Scene One - A Walk in the Darkened Corridor**

Next Scene: **Scene Two - A Discourse with Erstwhile Comrades **

V.2.0 _Edits Done to This Scene: A little more background on the Lessers (not really that much, just a paragraph sort of explaining WHAT a Lesser-with-a-capital-L is, really). A few edits in dialogue for grammar and to sort of fill out Andradite's lines a little. Also actually bothered to finally give Dravite a brief description._

V.2.5 _Edits Done to This Scene: Corrected some grammar, rewrote sentences for better flow._


	2. Discourse with Erstwhile Comrades

**Losing My Humanity**

**by Jamie Carlson  
**

**Summary: **Do the Youma Generals really seem THAT inhuman? How can they truly be? Zoicite, the handsome, feminine blonde and Kunzite, the equally handsome frost-haired Generals have a very loving relationship. Perhaps, there are more to the Youma than meet the eye. Perhaps, love CAN grow in the deepest darkness of the Dark Kingdom.... Perhaps.... (Pairings: Jadeite/???, Zoicite/Kunzite)

**Rating:** PG

**Completion: **Alpha Version Complete

**Chapters: **Five

**Pages:** Approx. 20 (total)

**Scene Two - A Discourse with Erstwhile Comrades **

"I believe you were right about Andradite, Zoicite," Jadeite's calm, smooth voice echoed softly off of the dark crystal walls of the nearly-empty dining hall. Zoicite arched a golden eyebrow, looking at Jadeite from his position of lounging against Kunzite's sitting body. Surprise gleamed in his widened eyes.

"I was? What was I right about? That she is very professional, is able and well suited for taking over for Nephrite in the future… or that she's cute, for a girl?" Zoicite asked. As he spoke the last part, he tilted his head back and grinned up at Kunzite with a wink. The frost-haired Kunzite smiled indulgently.

Jadeite smirked, leaning his chin in his palm, elbow resting on the General's table. He watched Nephrite move from one side of the hall to the other, checking to make sure the Lessers hadn't broken anything. Some of them were no more than Base Youma who had the ability to talk in cohesive sentences.

"She is capable, yes. And she knows her craft well. I'm not sure about the cute part..."

"She's cute," remarked Nephrite absently as he wandered past. "A solid worker. She's the only Lesser who has a feel for both crystals _and _Star Power."

Jadeite arched an eyebrow at the auburn-haired Youma General, then turned back to his other companions and cupped a hand around his crystal wine goblet. He tilted it, the pale contents sloshing.

"Well, at any rate, I think it's safe to say she's a promising one," Kunzite remarked, absently stroking Zoicite's hair. Zoi smiled contentedly. "I just hope she lasts longer than the last three did."

"She's definitely a lot more entertaining," Zoicite yawned, stretching and sitting up. He crossed his legs at the knee, leaning on the table now instead of Kunzite. "It's nearly impossible to strike up a conversation with the other Lesser – they either cower in fear or have absolutely _no_ personality. Kind of like Lesser Dravite, that boring little peon."

"You probably shouldn't be talking about your future replacement that way," Nephrite commented dryly as he sat at his place at the long table, finally finished with his usual rounds. His watchful eyes scanned the crowds of Lesser a few more times, stopping briefly on Andradite herself, who was busy toying with a damaged Lighting Crystal, her food half-eaten. "Andradite seems more concerned with the crystals she's in charge with than she is with her own well-being at times. This can be a problem."

"Oh, come on," Zoi chided, prodding Nephrite's arm. "She's just like you. Always spending half of your time mapping the Stars and determining the best days for energy output… it's all really very boring, but you're always immersed in it." Nephrite frowned.

"Mapping the best times to strike for energy is slightly different from repairing a broken Light Crystal, which can easily be replaced," Kunzite noted. He frowned as well when Zoicite shook his head, a disgusted expression on his face.

"Do _none _of you listen to me? Honestly. In all the times I've ranted on about Andra-chan, I'd think you'd have caught on to _some _of it by now. She's so in tune with them that she can feel the crystals calling for help. A cracked Lighting Crystal makes her skin itch when she walks by it."

"Her skin?" Jadeite asked in amusement. Zoisite winked at him.

"I'm sure you'd find her skin pretty interesting, like all the soft, warm parts covered up by that drab gray uniform she's stuck wearing."

"You mean, her arms, her calves? …. Every inch of her body besides her face?" Jadeite gestured at the uniforms they, themselves were wearing. "In case you didn't notice, unless you're Beryl-sama or one of the Base Youma you tend to be rather well-covered in uniform."

"Wouldn't you like to see her _out _of uniform though?" Zoicite teased. Jadeite stared at him blankly and the dissatisfied General's mouth drooped down into a pout. "You're no fun at all!"

The four Generals continued to joke and bicker in a more-or-less friendly fashion. A lot of the warmth they used to share between each other was gone, replaced with a more acquaintance-level companionship. But some of that spark of friendship still resided there, carried from the long Sleep, held inside their souls. Across the room, an oblivious Andradite smiled in satisfaction as she managed to coax the small Lighting Crystal to repair itself.

**End of Scene Two - A Discourse with Erstwhile Comrades**

Next Scene: **Scene Three - Keito's Dead Memories, and Andradite's Happiness**

_V.2.0 Edits Done to This Scene: Not a lot at the beginning was changed. There's some added dialogue and extra sentences to fill it out. A lot has been added to the end of the scene though, to flesh out the relationship between the Generals at this point a little further. More man-to-man discussion about Andradite between Jadeite and Zoicite was added, but nothing really significant. These earlier scenes are pretty well rounded already._

_V.2.5 Edits Done to This Scene: Grammar correction, word selection was modified a little. Not a significant change._


	3. Keito's Memories, Andradite's Happiness

**Losing My Humanity**

**by Jamie Carlson  
**

**Summary: **Do the Youma Generals really seem THAT inhuman? How can they truly be? Zoicite, the handsome, feminine blonde and Kunzite, the equally handsome frost-haired Generals have a very loving relationship. Perhaps, there are more to the Youma than meet the eye. Perhaps, love CAN grow in the deepest darkness of the Dark Kingdom.... Perhaps.... (Pairings: Jadeite/???, Zoicite/Kunzite)

**Rating:** PG

**Completion: **Alpha Version Complete

**Chapters: **Five

**Pages:** Approx. 20 (total)

**Scene Three - Keito's Dead Memories, and Andradite's Happiness**

Andradite shuddered in her sleep. A bead of sweat slid down from her temple onto her hard pillow as her head jerked from side to side, sending her crimson bangs flying, her headband long since abandoned for sleep. She made a small sound like a moan as she rolled onto her side, curling her legs up in a sort of fetal position.

In Andradite's dreams, she stood in a burning hall. The walls which were once a pure white marble were now scorched black. Screams and evil-sounding laughter echoed off of the white walls, mingling with the ominous crackling of the flames. Andradite was confused, not knowing where she was or why the place was burning.

Frantic and driven by her fear, Andradite ran toward the only door that wasn't blocked by flames. It felt like she was running through molasses and the air around her shimmered from the heat waves emitted by the quickly-spreading fire.

Andradite burst through the door, watching as her outstretched hands pushed the milky pearl-bead curtain out of the way. She stumbled out onto a balcony overlooking a once-glorious courtyard, now strewn with bodies - those of the armored troops of the Kingdom of Earth as well as her own people, along with those of the horrid monsters that had attacked their beautiful palace.

In the courtyard below, she saw a blonde man in the tatters of what was once a lovely white uniform of an Earth General drive a sword through a woman with long black hair. Her dying scream was intermingled with her Words of Power – "Burning Mandala!" – and the two were swallowed in bursting rings of flame. Something about him was familiar… he looked so much like Lord Jadeite.

Horrified by this sight, Andradite turned and saw a woman with long red hair dressed in a dark, skintight dress. She was wielding a torrent of Dark Energy and attacking a young pair of Nobles. The girl wore a flowing white dress and had floor-length silver hair tied partially in buns on the sides of her head, the remaining hair loose and flowing. The man wore black armor and a flowing cape. His short black hair shone with sweat from his battle.

Andradite heard the call, and knew it was coming from her lips, but had no idea why for she had no idea who these people were.

"Princess Serenity! Prince Endymion!"

The prince and princess couldn't hear her, but a nearby batch of monsters did. Andradite screamed in fear as they leaped up from the courtyard below and landed next to her, their hands reaching out and grabbing her hair, which was longer than she remembered it being. One of them grabbed onto her pale blue dress and yanked on it, ripping it. It released the fabric in disgust and grabbed her throat.

Andradite could feel her energy slipping, sinking, being stolen away by these monsters. Heavy red clouds of energy swirled around them. She was steadily slipping into oblivion as one of the Youma lifted a crystal and drove it into her forehead. Its edges cut deeply, right against the bone of her skull. She screamed as warm blood flowed from her wounds, and her memories and soul were stolen away.

Andradite sat up quickly, gasping, clutching her thin blanket to her chest. Sweat poured from every gland, causing her itchy tank top to stick to her body. She was shivering, her eyes wide and dilated. Her bed wasn't particularly comfortable – a mattress made of some form of spongy fungus encased in a sort of thick cloth, set into a hole carved of black crystal. Every three feet in all directions, similar beds were stationed, other Lessers sleeping soundly within them.

Andradite carefully kicked off her blankets and slid off of her bed. Easily avoiding disturbance of the other Lessers who shared this "dorm" (or "Nest" as Zoicite liked to call it), she exited her room and walked quickly down the hallway, her bare feet padding on the dark crystal floor. It was cool and comforting underneath her, and she could almost feel the hum of the crystal as she walked along its smooth surface.

Finally reaching her destination, Andradite placed one hand on the sealed doorway. It recognized her touch and unlocked with a click that sent echoes throughout the abandoned corridor. She pressed on the black door and it swung silently open. The words "Suishou no Ruumu" shone on the door - "Room of Crystals". This was the one room in all of the Dark Palace that Andradite felt the safest.

The room was large, about thirty meters in all directions. Its walls were lined with shelves, and on each shelf, separated by a complex system of sorting, were crystals. Each crystal had a purpose and a use, and Andradite knew them all. They hummed to her softly, welcoming her; the one who was, in all of the Dark Kingdom, the most in tune with them.

Andradite, her limbs still trembling from the fierce nightmare, collapsed in the center of the room. She landed hard on her tailbone, but ignored the pain. She planted her hands on the crystal floor and tilted her head back, eyes closed, meditating. She used the soothing energy of the crystals to ease away the pain and fear brought on by the nightmare.

Breathing deeply and slowly, Andradite soon had her nerves calmed. The air in the Suishou no Ruumu was cold, but Andradite found it soothing on her bare arms and legs.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her. She quickly rose to her feet and turned to face the presemce. She knew from the strong energy emitted from this person that they were one of the Four Generals - the question on her mind as she quickly turned and bowed was "_which one?"_

"What are you doing in the Suishou no Ruumu so late and in your bedclothes?" Jadeite demanded. He was silhouetted from the light in the hall behind him, but his eyes shone dimly in the light with his inner power. Andradite bowed again, and felt her cheeks burn lightly with a faint blush.

"Please forgive me, Lord Jadeite," Andradite said, bowing low again. "I was unable to sleep so came to check on the crystal storage facilities." Andradite kept her eyes locked upon Jadeite's, feeling her heartbeat pound a little faster. The crystals hummed a little more audibly, attempting to soothe her. Jadeite heard this as well, and eyed the darkened crystals along the walls.

"Return to your room."

"Yes."

Bowing once more, Andradite did as instructed, slipping past the blonde Youma General and down the corridor. She reached her room, slipped in, reached her bed, and lay down.

She wasn't quite sure why she was embarrassed. Was it because he had caught her basking in the crystals' hum, or was it because she had been caught outside of bed during designated sleeping time? Or was it because she was in her undergarments? Not that they were as revealing as what some of the warrior Youma wore, but….

None of it really mattered. She was lucky she wasn't punished for being where she shouldn't have been. Sleep came to her again, blessedly dark and dreamless.

Jadeite stood alone in the Suishou no Ruumu, eyeing the crystals thoughtfully. Their hum had died after Andradite had left, and now the room was silent.

He had opened the door to check on the room - someone was inside, as he could tell from the energy he felt within. He had seen Andradite sitting, silently, on the floor, head back and body still besides her breathing. She seemed to be meditating, perhaps simply enjoying the company of the crystals around her. Her gray clothes were damp, possibly with sweat. Could she have had some sort of nightmare and come to the crystals for comfort?

Jadeite walked through the room, reaching out and gently touching one of the Lighting Crystals. Responding to his touch, it shed a gentle light. He frowned slightly.

Nightmares weren't uncommon for those who had once been Human. Jadeite remembered his own dreams of a girl with black hair who he appeared to care about, yet who died at his hands. It was a past dream. Beryl was unable to destroy _all_ of the memories within a human heart at once, although they _did_ fade over time. Jadeite had stopped having those dreams years ago.

Occasionally, though, a Lesser who had once been human had recurring dreams that began to effect their performance as Generals in Training. This was why so many were killed; Queen Beryl did not allow defective Youma to be part of her armies.

Jadeite worried. Would Andradite, one of the few promising Youma Lessers, end up that way? He genuinely hoped not, as the increasing power of the Senshi were undoubtedly going to be a problem in the near future.

He also… worried about losing Andradite. Her company, as rarely as he enjoyed it, was heartening. He had feelings for her, as dull as they were, and they helped to hold back the growing coldness within his soul just a little bit. Jadeite had no qualms with being a Youma General, but he didn't exactly want to lose that bit if humanity either. He felt oddly that he would just be another Youma if he did.

The next day, Andradite made a few minor mistakes in her duties. Her lack of sleep and the mental shakeup from the night before had drained her of her energy. She was reprimanded sharply by a barely-higher-ranking Lesser and threatened with being reported to Queen Beryl. She shuddered at the thought.

Eventually, mealtime swung around and she collapsed into her chair at the Lesser Generals in Training table. She stared blankly down at the table, all energy spent. She had repair duty on the damaged Youma Core crystals from the fights against the Senshi next. That should calm her nerves a bit and help to right the confusion in her mind.

"Lesser Andradite."

Andradite's back stiffened. She felt a cold sweat break out under her clothes, but tried her best to remain composed outwardly. She stood and turned to face Nephrite, bowing.

"Yes, Lord Nephrite?"

"You made a few errors during your training. This bothered me as it is completely out of your character as a Lesser."

"I apologize, Lord Nephrite. It won't happen again."

Nephrite looked at her in silence. Her eyes had drifted downward, and she knew she wasn't holding her usual composure. She felt Nephrite's fingers under her chin, lifting her face upward.

"Your eyes are sunken a bit, and you look pale. Did you sleep last night?" Nephrite's cobalt eyes were critical now.

"Not as much as I need to function properly," Andradite admitted. What would be the point in lying?

"Why?"

"My dreams were troublesome."

Nephrite frowned. When someone as psychically sensitive as she was had troublesome dreams, it was a bad sign.

"How so?"

Andradite began to feel very edgy. Youma with past-life dreams were subject to scrutiny and sometimes punishment by Queen Beryl.

"It... it was, I believe, of my past life in the Silver Millennium, Lord Nephrite." Nephrite frowned, then suddenly took Andradite by the arm and began leading her toward the General's table. "Er… Sir?"

Nephrite remained silent, then as they reached the table, planted her next to Jadeite's chair.

"Explain now to Lord Jadeite why you had been up and in the Suishou no Ruumu last night."

Andradite cleared her throat, her cheeks warming as she felt the eyes of the other three Generals on her.

"I had a past-life dream about the Silver Kingdom. It was of when my human life died." She looked at Nephrite as if to ask, "is that satisfactory?"

Jadeite looked up at her, his mouth drawn down into a small frown.

"So you were trying to dispel the memories?" Andradite looked down.

"I was attempting to calm myself."

Jadeite gestured to an empty seat to his right.

"Sit. I wish to discuss this with you."

Andradite's eyes met his briefly. The memory of the sight of Jadeite in her dream slaying a black-haired woman - who looked a lot like how Sailormars was described to be – briefly flashed within her mind. She could believe it, as this was Jadeite, the cold and cruel Youma General. She sat as she was told.

The four generals began to ask her questions of what she could remember of her past life besides what Beryl had told her. Very little, Andradite would say, very little indeed. Her dreams were only of how she was killed/captured by the Dark Kingdom.

"Do you resent Queen Beryl?" Jadeite asked curiously. Andradite faltered.

She couldn't lie to them. But to be truthful could get her into trouble. What to do now? Well, they would know if she lied… so….

"Yes. I resent being torn into the life of the Dark Kingdom," Andradite said slowly, then drew in a deep breath. "However, I have come to accept who and what I have become. I am now a member of the Dark Kingdom and will remain so until I die. As such, I am determined to do my duty as a Lesser Youma, to the best of my ability."

Zoicite began to clap.

"Wonderful answer! And truthful too, you're ever so honest! Now, keeping that honesty in mind…" Andradite felt dread well up in her chest at the glimmer in his eyes. She had seen that glimmer before, and it meant mischievous trouble. "What do you think of Jade-chan here?"

"Lord Jadeite is a strong commander —"

"No no no," Zoicite interrupted disapprovingly, "What do you think of him as a man, not as your superior. You know…" He was arching his golden brow yet again. Andradite felt the back of her neck grow warm - when she was very embarrassed, her neck was the first thing to turn red.

"Lord Zoicite, forgive me for failing to understand what exactly you are asking," Andradite replied slowly, keeping her eyes on the long-haired Youma General.

"I think what he is asking is if you find Jadeite attractive, interesting, that sort of thing," Kunzite supplied "helpfully", smiling blithely at Andradite. She felt the urge to slide under the table grow stronger.

"Now, now. If she has something along those lines to say, she would best say it in private," Jadeite scolded gently, waggling one finger at Kunzite and Zoicite. Andradite started, surprised. What... did he mean by that? He was looking at her out of the corner of his eye, a faint smile on his lips. She felt the blush spreading to her cheeks now.

Meal break was over, and Andradite stood up. She bowed to the Four Generals.

"Please excuse me, but I have Core maintenance now."

They dismissed her, and Andradite hurried down the corridors to the Core Containment Facilities.

Each damaged Core leaked a combination of Dark and Light energy, and no Youma was permitted to draw upon that leaking energy. As such, the crystals were kept in a neutrally charged room where their energy couldn't escape. Here, Andradite and other Lessers repaired the crystals for reuse by Jadeite, the current general in charge.

Even nulled, the crystals gave off a comforting hum in response to Andradite's presence. She went through and repaired three crystals before her shift was up. It was a very long, very tedious process. Andradite loved it, however. She enjoyed handling the delicate crystals, whispering comforting reassurances to them in her mind, and helping them to repair themselves.

After her shift in Core Repair, she was summoned yet again to Jadeite's chambers. She knocked again on the great door.

"Enter."

Andradite entered Jadeite's quarters and looked up at the brightly glowing, swirling energy being fed into the crystal orb she had installed for him after her last summoning. The Reaper Crystal was working well, so she couldn't figure out why she was needed.

"You called on me, Lord Jadeite?" she asked, bowing to him. He waved her over. Andradite quickly strode to where he stood, obedient as ever. He turned to her, then suddenly, in a startlingly quick movement, was only a few inches away from her. He leaned forward, his deep blue eyes focused on hers. "L-lord Jadeite?!"

"What do you want out of your life, Andradite?" he asked, raising a hand to grip her chin gently. "What do you want out of your new life as a Dark Kingdom warrior?"

Andradite stared at him, shocked.

"I… I want…" As she struggled to answer, her mind racing, she felt a sudden calm as the answer came to her. A sort of resigned acceptance. She looked down as best she could with her chin trapped in Jadeite's fingers. "I just want to live… and be happy in this desolate place, Lord Jadeite…."

"I understand," Jadeite said softly. The warmth in his voice caused alarmed the Lesser Youma more than his sudden inquisition. She met his gaze reluctantly. Eyes that grew steadily colder by every passing week were showing what warmth was left in his darkened heart. "Would you be happy with me, Andradite?"

Andradite's breath slipped past her lips in a shocked hiss. She could only stare up at him, her gold-brown eyes shining in the light of the Reaper Crystal. She knew Jadeite could feel her trembling; she felt no shame at this, however. Then, in that moment, she was lost in the depths of Jadeite's eyes, suddenly aware of the human undertones of this solemn Dark General. They were such a rare shade of cobalt, those eyes.

"I… I can't say. All I can say, Lord Jadeite, is that it would please me to be with you, as long as the Dark Kingdom would allow." As long as Beryl would allow, she wanted to say, but refrained. Or just as long as Jadeite would allow.

Jadeite kissed her then. Andradite's mind whirled. She pulled away.

"Lord Jadeite, why — ?"

"Because I think that we can both find some happiness within each other here. I can't say I love you; I don't think I can feel that emotion anymore. I respect you and would hate to see anything terrible happen to you; so I choose now to take you under my wing, as my own," Jadeite replied, his eyes calm. Andradite nodded slowly.

"I understand."

"Good. Andradite…"

"Jadeite… please… call me Keito…."

As Jadeite moved to embrace her, he tilted his head at her. "Keito?" She nodded.

"I don't want to lose that part of me, no matter how much the memories hurt…."

**End of Scene Three - Keito's Dead Memories, Andradite's Happiness**

_Version 2.0 Edits to This Scene: Grammar and word choice. _

Next Scene: **Scene Four - Premonition of the Future; A Brief Happiness**


	4. Premonition of Future, Brief Happiness

**Losing My Humanity**

**by Jamie Carlson  
**

**Summary: **Do the Youma Generals really seem THAT inhuman? How can they truly be? Zoicite, the handsome, feminine blonde and Kunzite, the equally handsome frost-haired Generals have a very loving relationship. Perhaps, there are more to the Youma than meet the eye. Perhaps, love CAN grow in the deepest darkness of the Dark Kingdom.... Perhaps.... (Pairings: Jadeite/???, Zoicite/Kunzite)

**Rating:** PG

**Completion: **Alpha Version Complete

**Chapters: **Five

**Pages:** Approx. 20 (total)

**Scene Four – Premonition of the Future; A Brief Happiness**

The relationship Andradite and Jadeite shared was not hidden from the Queen. She tolerated it in much the same way she tolerated Zoicite and Kunzite, and considered it, for the most part, merely a tryst that would keep Jadeite somewhat content and, therefore, a little more useful.

For Andradite, it was a bittersweet happiness. As she found a foothold for her inner heart with Jadeite, she saw a kindness in him that she hadn't noticed before. No… that hadn't been there before. In herself, she saw more of her personality emerge, though she kept it carefully hidden from the other Youma around her.

Small gatherings of the Four Generals were not terribly uncommon, but they had been dwindling. Since he became attached to Andradite, Jadeite seemed more interested in these gatherings and spent more time with his fellow Generals, and in turn, that spark of joy seemed to transfer to the other three. Zoicite was more jubilant, Kunzite smiled more often, and Nephrite spent less time reading the Stars and a little more time sipping wine with his comrades.

Andradite was the only one seeming to suffer from this increase in happiness.

She had more dreams, more visions of her past existence. She began to distrust many of the things that Queen Beryl had said about her past life. She wasn't a noble, as the queen had said. Rather, she was a servant of a Noble. Glimpses of a beautiful woman with wavy red hair entered her dreams, superimposed over the snarling, cruel face of Queen Beryl.

She wasn't sure what it meant, or if it mattered if Queen Beryl had also once been human. She didn't care, and didn't want to see these memories.

She didn't dream of these things on nights she spent with Jadeite, but they could not be together often, and this could not be helped. She assisted him with the maintenance of the Gathering Crystals as an excuse to spend more time with him.

Pleased by her presence and the positive effect it had on his companions, Nephrite eventually furthered her training in the use of Star Power. She became skilled at reading Star Charts and determining the best days to gather energy, and although Jadeite's Youma were consistently defeated by the Senshi, his energy gathering had reached maximum input, and the loss of the Base Youma had little impact on the Dark Kingdom. Overall, Queen Beryl was pleased.

As long as the Queen was pleased, Andradite would live.

"What is this?"

Her voice echoed off of the crystalline walls. Andradite – no, Keito – stood still in the middle of a room comprised of a clear, shining crystal – not the dark, poisoned stone of the Dark Kingdom.

There was no answer. Finally, slowly, an image shimmered into existence. Realization struck her.

"Queen Serenity?!" Keito whispered, taking a step toward the visage of the late queen.

"I am glad that you remember me, young Keito." Serenity smiled at her, her eyes deeply sad. "I have a request for you."

Keito felt a trill of fear slide up her spine. She remembered Queen Serenity, though the memories were fragmented. She had met her when she was allowed to visit the Moon Kingdom – no, live there, temporarily. She had left the Kingdom of Earth, but could not recall why. She felt as though she had never seen Queen Serenity so serious.

"A… request?"

"You are from the bloodline of the Maenads, the Priestesses of Elysion."

Confusion spread over Keito's feature. Elysion? Queen Beryl had implied she was a noble in Earth's court….

"In a way, you were." Queen Serenity had somehow known what Keito had been thinking. "But even Beryl does not yet understand the importance of your role. You have a tremendous bond with crystals of _all_ kinds – and this can be dangerous." Queen Serenity's blue eyes were so sad. Keito slowly understood.

"There were… very special… important Crystals, weren't there? Ones that…" Keito's voice trailed off. _Ones that I could lead Queen Beryl to._

"Keito… I deeply regret having to request this of you… but please listen carefully to what I have to ask you." The specter of Queen Serenity slid over the crystalline floor, and she placed her hand on Keito's cheek. "I must ask you… that if you lose hold of that spark of memory within you… you must…."

Queen Serenity looked away. The utter sorrow in her graceful features made Keito's heart ache. When she looked back to her, Serenity had tears in her luminous blue eyes.

"You must kill yourself."

A roaring sound filled Keito's ears. She stared at the former Queen of the Silver Millennium, the goddess figure Queen Serenity.

"The only other option… is to abandon that life forever, and allow me to seal your memories away, permanently."

"Y-your majesty!"

"I would never do such a thing without speaking to you first. It is a very cruel thing that I ask of you, either way." Serenity stepped away from Keito, her hand over the crescent on her bow. She seemed transparent now, less real. "But you must make a decision. If you choose to cling to your humanity in the Dark Kingdom, and if you find yourself in a position where your memories become vulnerable and can be used for evil... I must ask you to end your life."

Keito sank to the floor, the robes she wore gathering around her. Strange robes. She didn't own anything so soft or beautiful anymore.

Keito couldn't stand the thought of killing herself… however… the thought of losing that part of herself was even more frightening. And… what about Jadeite? He had told her she was his lifeline, his anchor to his heart, the only thing separating himself and all the other Youma.

Heartsick, Keito nodded slowly.

"Then… should I find myself in a position of danger, or where my hidden knowledge may be used by Queen Metallia… I will… kill myself." Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Keito…" There was pride in Serenity's voice, pride and sorrow.

When Andradite awoke, she did not remember her dream. She felt a deep sadness, but could not for the life of her recall what she had dreamt about.

Lesser Dravite didn't really like anyone, but she really didn't like Lesser Andradite. She felt a rush of bitter jealousy when she saw Andradite with any of the Four Generals. They seemed to be very fond of the other Lesser, and Dravite could not understand why. The Four Generals didn't like anyone!

So it was no wonder that when she overheard a conversation between Andradite and Jadeite, and she learned that they were lovers, that she took her knowledge to Queen Beryl.

She had coveted her knowledge of the conversation between Andradite and the Four Generals, where Andradite made a fatal error. Or perhaps it was Lord Jadeite's error for asking her such a blunt question in the meal area. None of them had noticed drab, powerless little Dravite nearby. Listening.

She requested an audience with Her Majesty, and waited impatiently for her summons….

"You had a nightmare?" Zoicite looked at Andradite curiously.

"I… can't say for sure. I can't remember any of it, but I get this feeling that it was important…." Andradite sighed and rubbed her tired eyes, setting down the lighting crystal she had been fiddling with. "I just have this… awful feeling, Zoicite."

Zoicite crossed his legs and arms, pouting at her. Andradite had been distracted and unfocused that day. She hadn't been on any significant duty rosters, so she wasn't in danger of making a large mistake and angering the Queen, but it was still worrisome. And now this.

"Keito-kun…" Zoicite purred, shifting positions on the bench to drape one arm around her shoulders and give her a small hug. "Try not to think about it too much. Everything is going well for you and for Jadeite. The Senshi haven't discovered any of his recent moves. He's been doing a lot better, and I'm sure you've been quite happy together. Just enjoy this moment, for as long as it lasts."

She smiled at him gently.

In her hear though, Andradite knew something was wrong. And in a way, she slowly came to accept it.

**End of ****Scene Four – Premonition of the Future; A Brief Happiness**

**Next Scene: Scene Five – The Queen's Anger; Lost Humanity**

Author's note:

I hate this chapter.

Hate it.

HATE IT SO MUCH.

I wanted to give you more information on Andradite in case I ever do the follow up I'm considering, and give you a reason for her abilities… but… alas. Tis pointless.


	5. The Queen’s Anger Lost Humanity

**Losing My Humanity**

**by Jamie Carlson  
**

**Summary: **Do the Youma Generals really seem THAT inhuman? How can they truly be? Zoicite, the handsome, feminine blonde and Kunzite, the equally handsome frost-haired Generals have a very loving relationship. Perhaps, there are more to the Youma than meet the eye. Perhaps, love CAN grow in the deepest darkness of the Dark Kingdom.... Perhaps.... (Pairings: Jadeite/???, Zoicite/Kunzite)

**Rating:** PG

**Completion: **Alpha Version Complete

**Chapters: **Five

**Pages:** Approx. 20 (total)

**Scene Five - The Queen's Anger; Lost Humanity**

Time passed quickly from then on in. Jadeite continued to fail in his pursuit of the ginzuishou and his attempts to kill the Senshi.

Jadeite and Andradite were as close to being in love as creatures of the Dark Kingdom could be. Zoicite happily noticed that Jadeite's quickly diminishing human sentiments seemed to be slowly returning, and Andradite's own humanity was no longer slipping from her grasp.

Unfortunately… happiness in the Dark Kingdom is painfully brief.

"Lesser Andradite, you are to report to Queen Beryl immediately."

Andradite looked up from her station at the Core Manufacturing Table, a strand of her flaming hair sliding down into her eyes. She blinked at Dravite, who looked as bored and emotionless (besides the boredom) as ever. She nodded.

"Thank you, Lesser Dravite."

Dravite nodded and retreated.

Andradite's hands shook as she set down the crystal core she had just finished tuning. When a Lesser was summoned to see Queen Beryl, it didn't mean anything good. She didn't bother herself with audiences with Lessers.

Unless said Lesser was to be punished.

Andradite, back straight and head up, walked briskly and purposefully down the long corridor that lead to Beryl's throne room. As she reached the door, it swung open.

Andradite walked slowly into the great cavernous chamber that was Queen Beryl's throne room. Queen Beryl, her long, wavy auburn hair spread out around her, sat straight up on her throne, her tight purple-black dress flowing down into its train under her feet. She held her crystal ball upon its stand. Her cruel dark eyes were on Andradite as she entered.

All around Andradite were Lessers and Base Youma, those who had been created to send against the Senshi if they were chosen by the current General in charge, Jadeite. Jadeite himself stood off to the right. His back was turned, and he did not look over to Andradite.

Andradite stopped at the designated place (a certain number of feet between the shadowy crowd of Youma and the Queen herself), and knelt, bowing her head low.

"You summoned me, Your Majesty?" Andradite murmured humbly.

"Lesser Andradite," Queen Beryl began, her honeyed voice underlying with dripping venom, "It has come to my attention that you are dissatisfied with the new life I benevolently bestowed upon your pathetic human body with the power of Dark Queen Metallia!"

Andradite flinched at the rising anger in Beryl's tone.

"If I am guilty of such a thing, Your Majesty, I beg you for forgiveness."

"You are _quite_ guilty, Lesser Andradite!" Beryl snapped angrily. "You still cling to the human portions of your existence as if they _matter_ in this wondrous Dark Kingdom!"

Queen Beryl stood, and lifted her crystal ball off of its silver pedestal.

"I look into your heart and see humanity, Lesser Andradite, much more than I am willing to tolerate," Beryl said. Her red lips turned up in a dark sneer. "I believe some of that must be _forced_ out of you if you are to be a worthy asset of the Dark Kingdom."

Andradite felt a chill sweep over her body. She looked up at Queen Beryl, her eyes wide and fearful.

"Please, Beryl-sama, I beg you —"

"Don't even bother with your pathetic begging, Lesser Andradite!" Beryl interrupted, her face contorted in an angry grimace. "You will be punished for lacking faith in your Queen!"

-

Andradite's screams rang through the halls of the Dark Kingdom, amplified by the crystals of Beryl's palace, as they felt her pain just as she did through her connection with them.

In Kunzite's chambers, Zoicite's head snapped up from where it had been resting on Kunzite's chest. The white rose he held fell from numb gloved fingertips to land on the crystal floor silently. His eyes widened as another scream ripped through the castle.

"Keito-chan…." he whispered. He lifted horrified green eyes to Kunzite's face. The tanned visage expressed sadness. His eyes were closed. They both winced as a fourth scream echoed through the halls.

"Why? Why is Queen Beryl doing this to her?" Zoicite breathed.

"She holds to her humanity too tightly, Zoicite," Kunzite replied softly. "Queen Beryl sees this as a threat."

As yet another shriek of agony reached his ears, Zoicite buried his face in Kunzite's chest. Warm tears slid down his cheeks.

-

Nephrite grunted as he heard the screams, wincing as the crystal walls of his Star Chamber hummed and resonated loudly in protest. Dread filled his heart. It would be her end soon. What Beryl was doing would shatter who Andradite — no, Keito — was, and when her soul was shattered, she would become useless. The crystals would no longer recognize her touch, nor would she care. He closed his eyes and sighed, both at the loss of his most promising pupil, as well as for the loss of the brightest star in the Dark Kingdom.

-

Jadeite stood rooted to the spot. He watched in silence, unable to express any emotion, as Andradite was restrained by the other two Lessers. Beryl gestured, and another Youma came forward with a crystal clutched in its scaly hand. Andradite began to fight the Youma holding her violently, her eyes widened as she gazed on that crystal.

"No! Please, Beryl-sama! _Please!! __**I'm begging you, no!**_"

The crystal in the Youma's hand was the same one used so long ago to force Keito's body into the Death Slumber. Here, Jadeite knew, it would be used to corrupt what was left of her human soul.

Jadeite dared not try and stop Beryl. If he did, he would die. He could only silently pray that Andradite would be strong enough to fight off the power of the Dark Crystal Shard.

Jadeite winced slightly as the Youma placed the crystal against Andradite's forehead and began to emit a black electricity that made Andradite's body convulse. She screamed in pain and fear as its pulses zipped through her body.

Beryl stood by her throne, smiling. Youma all around Jadeite hissed and jeered at the tortured Andradite.

Andradite was soon driven to her knees by the crystal. Jadeite felt something in his heart — no, his soul — wrench. With each shock to Andradite's body, mind and soul, Jadeite felt that piece of himself fade a little. After ten minutes of torture, Beryl gestured for the crystal to be removed. Andradite was dropped to the floor, where she lay still.

"Tend to her, Jadeite. I want her out of my sight."

"Yes, my Queen."

Jadeite quickly walked over, gathered Andradite into his arms, and turned on his heel. He left Queen Beryl's throne room, and felt the wine-dark eyes of his queen on his back as he left.

-

Jadeite placed Andradite's still-unconscious body on his bed. He sat next to her, brushing misplaced hairs back into their proper positions. A red mark was the only physical mark of the Dark Crystal Shard.

She was moaning, her head moving side to side slowly. Her eyes finally opened slowly; they had lost much of their former luster.

She looked up at him groggily.

"Jade…ite," she whispered. Jadeite nodded. "I… I can't remember my name."

"Andradite."

"No. My real name… it's gone… I can't remember what the Silver Palace looked like, and I can't recall how life in the Moon Kingdom was."

"… Your name was Keito."

"Kei.. Keito… It doesn't sound familiar at all… Queen Beryl made sure they destroyed that part of me, I suppose…." Andradite's dulled golden-brown eyes met Jadeite's.

"I don't want to live without those memories."

Silence penetrated the room.

"I.. Understand."

-

Andradite's final shriek was heard throughout all of the Dark Kingdom.

Queen Beryl, sitting on her throne, looked around her. The walls of her palace thrummed angrily, the died down. An ominous sign.

"Queen Beryl, Lord Jadeite has killed Lesser Andradite," Lesser Dravite reported, bowing deeply as she addressed her queen. "He says she was too far gone to be of any use to the Dark Kingdom."

Beryl looked at her crystal ball.

"Very well. You are dismissed."

"Yes, my Queen."

Beryl suddenly felt a chill run through her.

_Why… do I feel like I actually made a _bad_ choice?_

-

It was a week after Andradite's death at Jadeite's hands.

The Darkness was gripping the Four Youma Generals even more now. The memory of the bright star of the Dark Kingdom was fading from their minds. Even Zoicite, once so kind to his companions, became cold. His soul began to reflect one of greed and mistrust.

Jadeite became colder, only interested in his own survival. He made many more mistakes against the Senshi, and forgot Andradite's words about the crystals, replacing the Reaper Crystal when it shattered with an Absorption Crystal. He had failed too many times. It was the end.

As Jadeite faced his queen for the last time, as he felt his body become encased in crystal, even as he shrieked at the pain, the hum of the crystal walls surrounding him was somehow comforting….

**End of Scene Five: The Queen's Anger; Lost Humanity**

**END of LOSING MY HUMANITY (v.2.0 ^^;)**

**Thank you for reading.**

Author's notes:

I have plans for a follow up, but may not bother with it.


End file.
